So it's been 3 months since I've been here. 3 months, or more, or less.. I don't know. A long time. I'll try to explain "why", without ranting or getting too emotional, but sometimes I can't stop myself...

The thing is, when people are usually explaining something the biggest problem is where to start. WELL...

My "start" is all to clear...

So it was Friday. Saturday night, actually. July 17, around 3:30 in the morning, or late night.. whatever you call it. Me and my brother were up late, as usual, making as much of the weekend as possible. It was all relatively normal... so why am I making this seem like it's some murder case?

That's cause it is.

I will NEVER, EVER forget that moment. And who would? My older brother burst into the room and said, "There was a car accident. Papa.. died."

Step 1: Denial.

"You're joking."
"TELL me you're joking."
..why is he crying? IT'S A JOKE. IT'S A JOKE.

And then my brother just shook his head, and he was crying. And there were cops in the house. And everyone was trying not to panic...

Friday, July 17.

I know that date so well, and it just got more rubbed into my memory when I had to stare at it written on a dry erase board at the hospital. My other brother was in the car with my dad, and we went to visit him at the emergency room where they had written the date on the wall. The rest of the day was just a daze. It was like that for 2 months... then I started getting better. Now the third month, and I can actually say the word "death" without crying.

I miss him a lot. And his smile. And that we were born on the same birthday (I was looking forward to that..) And the way he'd call me Princess. Or Tootsie Roll. Or when I did something wrong he'd try to look mad at me and say, "The Toots is not rolling". And the way everyone knew he was the best driver ever... I can't forgive the guy who switched lanes and crashed into my dad's car.

I wasn't planning on writing this now. I wasn't planning on returning to dA for a long, long time. But, at the risk of sounding corny, the most thing that made me come back were my friends. Aasya. Infinity. The Neopets gang. And Jaz. Especially Jaz.

She even remembered my birthday:

[link]

Happy birthday, Me. Happy birthday, Papa.

Everyone misses you.

P.S: My brother's okay. And he's turning 17 really soon..